FUNNY HIGHLIGHTS IN THE ONGOING 1^ST J M C OGBUKA ANNUAL MOOT COURT ADVOCACY COMPETITION.

 CHIEF JUDGE RESORTS TO IGBO LANGUAGE WHILE DELIVERING JUDGEMENT…

I thought that the name Onyeabor was a name per se not until onday 18^th May. Just as usual I jumped inside the honourable court, behold, E.T. Onyeabor was presiding. Initially I thought he was delivering an inaugural lecture until my friend – that girl (find out) put me through. The erudite judge was addressing the issue of preliminary objection raised by the lead counsel of Zenith chambers as to the facts that the statement of claim submitted by the plaintiff revealed no cause of action. The judge took the pains of examining the issue at lengths. Coming to the final verdict, guess what, the chief judge said ‘this issue is strong and goes to the root of the matter because the issue of LACK OF CAUSE OF ACTION invariably touches on the jurisdiction of the court and if a court lacks jurisdiction, it cannot embark on a futile journey, it cannot exercise the jurisdiction that has been lost because you cannot put something on nothing and expect it to stand. So, if a court lacks jurisdiction, it is impotent in law and accordingly the suit will be struck out – agbasaa uka onye obula alaba!!! Lol!!!. That notwithstanding, I must tell you that the judge in question is an epitome of sagacity.

COUNSEL RAISES MORE THAN THIRTY OBJECTIONS IN 15 MINUTES…

Emmm, (clears throat) I doubt whether the thing reach 30 shaaaa, but de guy too dey raise objection. Were you in court on Monday? You missed something. You needed to have seen this counsel arguing his case. As I sat at the end of that Coscharis room 3, his argument kept reminding me of something – “that when a vibrant lawyer appears before an erudite judge, even the waters of the law becomes troubled” (emphasis is mine). it was actually tough between him and the judges, however, following one of his objections, the court awarded him 30mks.

COUNSEL DOESN’T KNOW HOW TO OPEN HIS CASE…

Well, I will personally pardon her for one thing. She always made careful and critical objections and observations; however when it was her turn to open her case, the court witnessed the most boring moment ever in any kind of proceeding – indicative of the fact that she lacks the knowledge of the rudiments of court processes and procedures. She is neither beautiful nor ugly but what nature denied her in terms of beauty, she made up with her eloquence, in fact her eloquence is unparalleled. Cute, right? (sips chapman).

PRESIDING JUDGE, CRACKS A FAT JOKE…

When a hand shake exceeds the elbow, they say it becomes an arrest but when a counsel goes to court unprepared, what happens? (find out). It was a hot Tuesday afternoon, the court room was almost full, some of the senior counsel as they are called trooping in and taking their leave almost at the same time. Counsel on the various sides already seated, some of them still leafing furiously over countless no of pages as if the mooting took them unawares (you needed to have seen the sizes of those books , very intimidating).

Outside the court, I simply referred to him as Sir. Onovo (that impartial LECOM chairman - emeritus). His residence has always been a comfortable niche where thorny issues that often dribbled my Lilliputian mind are resolved. Soon after appearances were entered and the proceedings well begun, a sonorous voice thundered, “counsel, are you sure that you were not paid to come here and mess up your chambers?” The voice continued: “you are consistently forcing me to albeit against my wish deduct marks from your chambers and if this continues you may end up having minus … and accordingly your hope of becoming a SAUN will be elusive”. The court room was thrown into a barrage of laughter despite the traditional – order! Order! Touted by the court clerk as if he was not amused (make I hear say the guy no laf). Yes, Sir. Onovo was the presiding judge and as well he was the one cracking this joke. Well our correspondents gathered that the counsel in question is one of the UNSBA presidential… if you put “aspirant na u sabi”.

AN ARMY CAPTAIN HAS NEVER BEEN TO KADUNA…

Mehn, cross-examination no be here. Guess what happened? One of my friend appeared as a witness on Wednesday. As expected he prepared his mind very well-appearing as a captain in Nigeria army and expecting the normal traditional court questions. However that erudite lead counsel, Ginikanwa Esq aked an unusual question “captain, have been to kaduna before?” thinking he was right , my guy quickly gave an “affirmative no” as an answer. The pragmatic question here seems to be; if you are a captain in the Nigerian army and you have never been to the headquarters, then where were you made a captain? And by who? lol

WITNESS FORGETS HER OFFICE ADDRESS…

PROSECUTION LOOSES THEIR CASE ON GROUNDS OF FAULTY STATEMENT OF CLAIM….

FUEL PRICE RISES TO #280 IN PORT HARCOURT...

COURT {protracted session] ENDS BY 10:15 PM…

I.S.G ENJOINS ASPIRANTS TO SAY NO TO BITTER POLITICS AND CHARACTER ASSASINATION…

and lots more on www.ifeanyiugwuanyi.blogspot.com

                                                                                    Reporter: Victor Enyioko

                                                                      Editor:  Ifeanyi Ugwuanyi (gburu- gburu)

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